Contradiction to Self: Part 1

I used to be a introverted person. When I got admitted in Dhaka Residential Model College, in the beginning I had almost no friend. As time went on, i made some friends. Then one day one of my friend (now he is my best friend 😀 ) told me “before we were friends, I used to think you as arrogant. people will misunderstand you until they come close to you.” I smiled and replied “what can I do? I am just like that”.

Soon I found out that I’m becoming more and more introverted. I can’t talk with people more than 2 minutes. I love to be alone. There were time when I didn’t call my friends for days. Even I cut off all sorts of communications for 2/3 weeks. I went on total hibernation. But when I came back from hibernation, I found it very hard to get back in the track. Later I decided to lower my introvert level.

Because of my introversion, I become habituated with brain storming. And suddenly I figured out I’m good with numbers and I like to play with numbers. So I chose Finance as my major in Bachelor degree as it matches my personality.

As I said earlier, I wanted to lower my introversion level. Therefore, I took Marketing as my second major for my undergrad. degree. In marketing courses a student have to do lots of fieldwork and researches. Sometime they need to communicate with corporate world. More importantly a marketing student have to do lots of project works and presentations. I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to lower my introversion level, get to know many people, to learn how to communicate with others and to make new friends. And after almost three and a half-year time, I have become a man of friends.

Being an introvert, I preferred to observe people instead of talking with them. Observing people have become my habit. I use to think I am good at observing and understanding people through observation. And most of the time I were right. But now I think otherwise about observation ability. Why? let me tell you why.

One of my close friend were in a relationship. And recently s/he (don’t want to disclose any information about that friend. sorry about that. ) went through break up. I was with the friend whole time but yet I couldn’t detect anything. I didn’t even understood what s/he is going through. I failed to observe all these thing. I failed to support my friend.

A person is defined by his or her beliefs and philosophy. When the beliefs and philosophy become extinct, there remains nothing to define that person. Right not I’m in that position. All my major personal beliefs and philosophy have either got destroyed or changed. Now I am just a contradiction to myself.