lifetime guilt!

I always wanted friends with whom I will be able to share everything. I will become a part of their family and they will become my family members. We always will look after another. Till now I thought I found that kind of friendship. Not actually I didn’t. I found a friendship where no one sees others back. No one wants to know what others are going through. Same goes for me. We are so much busy with our life that we don’t have time for others. We don’t have time for our social obligations. we don’t have time by the side of others.

My sentences might seem hard but that’s the reality now. On August 24, one of my friend’s sister died. She was sick for a very long time. We didn’t give her a visit. My friend left Bangladesh for almost 5 years. Most of us didn’t even communicate with his family after his departure. Well, at least I didn’t. Few years back, my friend asked for our help to arrange a fundraiser program for sister’s treatment. At that moment we all were busy and couldn’t help my friend or his family.  After my friend’s sister died, my friend wanted to return Bangladesh and attend her funeral. He asked financial help from everyone through a Facebook status. I wanted to help him so much. So I called all 5/6 friends who were in Bangladesh. But at the end it wasn’t possible for us to arrange the money to buy his air ticket. I was feeling guilty for not being any help to him.

Today my friend let me know her sister’s funeral. I wanted to attend this at least for the social obligation. I called almost everyone to attend the funeral. But everyone was busy. Finally only one of our friend attended the funeral. I, too, got busy with auditing at the last moment and couldn’t attend the funeral. I was helpless. I am in a such profession where personal matters are required to put aside. In this profession, there are some times where you can’t leave your work even if your close one is in deathbed. in short I couldn’t leave my work. I hope all others will attend the event.

I was shocked when I heard that only one attended the event.  Then I felt the greatest guilt. We are so busy that we can’t attend a funeral of our close one. I know we all have limitation from our sides. I know we are not wealthy. I know we are so busy with our work. But maybe just maybe, if we tried a bit we might arrange a plane ticket for our friend so that he could attend her sister’s funeral. May be if we tried hardly, we could attend the funeral. This is the guilt I have to bear my entire life. Under the current condition, it seems none of my friend will attend my funeral if I die now. Everyone will be busy with their life. It seems. we have failed to make a strong friendship. We have failed to become a member of others family. We have failed to fulfill our duty as a friend. I believe we are just acquaintances who call ourselves friends.

Sorry sister, I couldn’t attend your funeral. But pray to almighty to arrange the highest jannat (heaven) for you. Innalillahe Wainnalillahe Rajiun (for sure, we have come from you and we will return to you). May your soul rest in peace and your grave become a piece of heaven. Amin!