I am a big fan of Anime and superhero movies where there is are superhero who always fight the evils or criminals and protect the helpless. The lesson I had from these movies and anime series that we should help others who are in distress, who need help and who needs protection. That means we should fight for others to save them. However, recently I had separate realizations which are:
- We should not fight other people’s battle. Of course, We should help those who are in distress or need support. However, we should not help them indefinitely. If we help other people indefinitely, they will get use to it and wouldn’t value your support. They will even take your hardest effort as granted. Gradually, they will forget that you are doing them a favor and will consider it their right to get the support from you. Some even think that they are doing you a favor. After giving the initial support, it is better to withdraw. It is better to let them fight their own battle and understand the hardship. And later when you give them another small assistance, they will value that assistance and keep it in their mind forever that you came into their assistance when the needed it. But if you help people all they way and people themselves didn’t have to undergo the hardship, they will think it was easy job and they could do it if you given them a chance.
- Respect people around you but never prioritize them over yourself. When you prioritize someone over yourself, they will first give suggestions on various aspect of your life and later they will start commenting on your choices. Soon they will try to control your life choices even though you own and earned your own resources . These people start to poke their noses in everything of your life even if their is nothing to do with them.
- Never spend your recourses helping others until they ask for it. Assistance done without request are not valued. For example, if you see someone is in financial crisis, you shouldn’t proactively go and help him. You should only help when they ask for it and if you are not taking over their battle to fight.
These are few realization I had in recent times. I understand these realizations might seem harsh but these are from my practical experience. If you need to help someone you should make him understand that you are giving away your recourses for him despite you yourself need these resources. You should clearly explain that you are making a sacrifice for him. Otherwise they will consider you a easy source who have plenty. They will make a habit of asking for resources on a regular basis.
Let me share a real story of my life. When my mother died, I doubled my charity efforts. As part of that I gave someone some money. Next month he made a phone call to me ask again ask for help. Before ending that month, he again called me for financial assistance. I told him i don’t have money to pay as month has not passed yet. He called me on the 2nd day of the following month as aske me “Have you got your salary? When are you sending the money?” I was shocked to head such words. I told him that I am going you any kindly monthly allowance. I will help you only when I can. Despite saying that, I send him some money. In the following month, it was Eid-ul-fitr. He called me as said that “you regularly donated me money. Doubled the fund this month. Also send some donation for my son also”. He talked to me in a voice which sounded like he was ordering me to pay the money he kept with me. I told him that I will not pay him any single penny anymore.
Since then I started to do occasional charity and only when someone is asking for it. Now my focus is to understand and fight the battles which are mine.